happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
