I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
