I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
