We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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