i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
