Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
