I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
