You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i believe in u and ur pee
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