Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I looked at my own cervix.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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