One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
