i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
