Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
