We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
