sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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