You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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