Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
