You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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