her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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