nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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