Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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