walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
