well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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