the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
