Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
