I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
