The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she told me i tasted like america
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
