Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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