we're chasing vodka with high fives
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
