Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
