i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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