im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
