I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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