My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
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