Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
