He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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