she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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