Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
operation have a gay friend backfired
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
