If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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