So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
