he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
