I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
