oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
