She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
