So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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