My first STD was from a foam party
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
