there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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