i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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