So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
