i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
