You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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