If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
