guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
