dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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