Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
