i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I would ride that face into the sunset
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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