TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
