It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
